Dear Dinn55,

I've always wanted to do a move which looked like my head was coming out of one of my partner's orifices and vice versa. Do you know where I could learn to do this move? Have you heard of such a thing?

Love,
Hurting for Moves

Is that the Pretzel?

Dear Hurting,

I get asked this all the time. And just by asking you have entered into the true meaning of swing dance. It's not a swing move unless you could possibly get pregnant by doing it. Legend tells us of such a move and some daring videographers were able to catch one on tape. (Now, mind, this movement wasn't captured in the wild, but rather a highly controlled captivity environment. But it is unsure whether we'd be able to accomplish this without very specific habitats and natural supplements.)

You can find it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tX3v1cs0P28
Two minutes and seventeen seconds in.

Do not be alarmed, both dancers emerge intact.

Love,
DinnerTime.

_________________
"What is within shall now be without. / Don't just dance - you must throw down."

| Sarah |

Dear Dinn55,

I recently had the best dance of my life during a JJ Comp. My partner and I moved as one swinging quisinart of exstacy. We were, like, in each others minds. We touched each others souls. Since then, I have been a little down because I don't know if I will ever feel that way again. Once you connect with someone like that, where do you go? Is it possible to experience that again? I feel like I should just give up because I have reached the top of the mountain and I can't get any higher.
Please help,

Swingin low

Dear Swingin' Low,

You tell me. Can't help ya! I often have the opportunity to dance with an epic follow/lead by the name of MaryX and I just can't get enough. I even moved in with her at some point in an attempt to ensure that that euphoric high never left me. But nothing replaces that incredible feeling of dance-magic (except perhaps multiple views of the move in the above letter). Such is life.

I would suggest distracting yourself with Law & Order re-runs until you get to dance with her again.

DinnerPlate

_________________
"What is within shall now be without. / Don't just dance - you must throw down."

| Sarah |

Dear Swingdaddy3,

I have had such sorrow about not being able to dance with my twin-self that I have had to watch the above orifice move unending. Since I do not have internet at home I have to visit my BFF's house to have internet access. As a result, her husband is now singing about how deep rhythms captivate him. What do I do? I love my BFF and her husband, but I hate the deep rhythm which captivate him.

With bleeding ears,
MaryX

_________________
Dear Baby, Please be independent. Love, Mom -SAC

DANG YOU MARY MERCURY! You have ruined us all! RUINED US ALL!!!

Dear Swingdaddy3,

I appreciate your willingness to tell me that I have ruined you and everyone, but you did not answer my question. My ears are still bleeding. I can't sleep at night. The hot rhythm stimulates me.

So now I redirect to Dinn.

Ms. 55, how can I get this horrific song out of my head but still enjoy said clip?

Sleepless,
MaryX

_________________
Dear Baby, Please be independent. Love, Mom -SAC

Dear Sleepless,

First of all, I'm sorry that your ears are bleeding but believe me, I've been there. I had to listen to that song for 2 months straight when I was in the Musical Swing! The good news is, I actually have a suggestion for you. I have a great clip that you can admire and hopefully the song won't feel like papercuts on your ear drums. Hope you enjoy it.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=yd-2bUswMaw

Swingdaddy3

_________________
I don't do Blues but I'll Shag with anyone.

Wow, no one has ever reserved the right for me to call them daddy more than you. You totally schooled me.

_________________
Dear Baby, Please be independent. Love, Mom -SAC

I have to say that routine is nutso. I have extreme jealousy! Also you don't have to wait 2 minutes for the orifice move, it comes right away!

Dear Dinn55,

All these posts on this site regarding orifices and HAM and stuff like that is making me hungry. Should I ignore these pangs or just dance right through them?

Starvin'

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See ya, boys. Have fun stoimin' the castle!

Starvin'

Lemme tell you a liddle story: I once danced all day and all night with only Red Bull to fuel me. I woke up in the early morning the next day unable to anything but shake! My arms and legs, I could barely lift them, and so I had to fall from the bed and drag my way to the sink to clumsily drink some water. It dribbled all down my chin, my motor skills heavily impaired.

I think that if you dance so much that you literally almost kill yourself, you've almost danced enough. Screw HAM, screw orifices, your body will tell you when you need to eat. And until then, dance until you are unable!

DinnerIsOverRated

_________________
"What is within shall now be without. / Don't just dance - you must throw down."

| Sarah |

AMEN Sister! You won't ever know what it's like to be a lindy hopper unless you've almost died from doing it so much. And hey, if you did die from Lindy Hopping, would it really be that bad? I think that dancing to your death is probably the best way to go.

_________________
I don't do Blues but I'll Shag with anyone.

_________________
MaryX is right - no beans in chili.